A good friend of mine made an observation about me today which has really made me think. She suggested that I didn't look comfortable in my own skin, and that I wanted to jump out of my body. The idea iniitially amused me, but then I realised that it has some truth.
Your grandfather has a tendency towards becoming easily irritated and bad tempered, mostly about things of little or no importance. I have often wondered whether this is symptomatic of some inner feelings that I could adjust for the better. To be quite honest, I do beleive that I am in an almost constant state of discontent. Although I lead an interesting life, live in a lovely home, am fortunate to have terrific friends, have lovely children and an adorable grandchild, when I am being introspective, I do feel that I have yet to find my place in this world.
It's not in my nature to be negative, in fact I am mostly energetic, optimistic and enthusiastic. But I have this nagging feeling that I haven't fully found myself, and in particular, I am without any clear direction as to where I am going in life. It's not easy to explain, and I am not quite sure of the purpose of using my blog for this kind of introspection. But one of its purposes if for you to gain some insights into what your grandfather is (or was) really like.
I've previously mentioned my concern about the absence of a life strategy. I may be without one, but that does not mean that I am simply prepared to aimlessly live one day to another. I am continuing to look for that all-important path.
Perhaps I've had too much time at home to idly think about such matters. Maybe it's time to get back on the road in search of adventure, and forget about such inward thinking. Or maybe it's high time for me to force myself into plotting out a plan for living.
Gramdpa Jonathan
Prague, Czech Republic
